The great Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard admitted to Scottish asylum

The great Steven Gerrard was sitting at home when he received a call from the Dog and Duck in Bootle kindly asking the great man if he would be interested in becoming their new manager for next season.

After all, they said, it will be an opportunity to get to grips with real management on a regular basis, test his man-management skills and hone his footballing philosophy. The team, he was told had just won the Southern Merseyside Sunday League.

Stevie laughed and said he’d think about it. The next day Glasgow Rangers called and made Stevie the same offer. The only difference being was the Dog and Duck had won something and Stevie couldn’t remember the last time Rangers had won anything.  Rangers would be paying him of course, but as he is already a billionaire it’s not the money that interested him.

When Stevie’s wife, Alex, returned home two days later after twenty consecutive visits to the gym, they discussed his next move. Eventually Stevie announced that he had decided to plump for the Rangers job mainly because expectations at the Dog and Duck would be too high! Rangers had no expectations, no money, no players and no chance of ever catching up with Celtic. It was a no-brainer.